No, you're not sophisticated

I have come to the conclusion that drinking alcohol doesn't automatically make you sophisticated.

Especially when you always ALWAYS get hammered/sloppy/stupid/fall asleep on couches/can't drive/don't remember the party.

Especially when you whine about how a home-owner doesn't want you drinking in his house. The house he owns. The house he'll have to clean up.

Especially when you mock other people for their teetotaler habits after complaining about how no one respects your habits.

The actual sophisticates in the outside world understand that these things are tacky.

Grow up a little.

Ugh.

I have a sudden and profound hatred of answering the phone today. Like, if flames could shoot out of my eyes and destroy every phone within 5 miles of me, I'd be happy.

Next job I have, someone ELSE is answering the phone all day...

Vile

I find it completely vile and reprehensible that anyone could say, in response to a friend's Facebook status about feeling bad that he hit a cat, "Good for you!" COMPLETELY vile. I don't even know who this person is, but I am sure that I could not be friends with someone who could, even jokingly (which I hope was her tone...), rejoice at the death of an animal. Especially a death like that, especially when her friend is upset by it. Being happy about something like that cheapens whatever charitable impulse this woman ever had. It makes her seem cruel and inhuman. It makes me sick to think that life is held so casually in this woman's mind. No, I'm not advocating joining PETA or becoming a vegan or anything, but I think some reverence for divinely-created life is part of what makes us human, part of what makes us different from every other creature.

I'm grateful that I wasn't taught to hate any animal. Yes, I'm arachnophobic, but I will avoid killing them if at all possible. The loss of a life deserves to be mourned, if only briefly, to show respect for who and what we are. The sanctity of life should be respected. The universe seems smaller when we remember that any one of us could die at any moment, and we'd better pray no one rejoices at our death.

Policies

I really do mean it when I say:

You need an appointment to get any of our services.
Your counselor is NOT available right now.
We are booked solid until next week.
Pregnancy does not count as a disability.
We can't make the city stop working on the streets so you can get to class on time.
I can neither confirm nor deny that your adult child is using our services.
Even if he or she WERE using our services, I still can't tell you anything.
The deaf student in your class can't possibly fulfill a listening assignment so stop asking me how the deaf student in your class is going to get a good grade.
Just because someone is deaf does not mean they are stupid or that you have to give them two copies of the assignment "to make sure they understand it."
You have to meet with your counselor every semester--the process is not automatic.

Things I sometimes WISH I could say:

I don't care WHO you are, your child has to go through the same procedure as EVERYONE ELSE.
Don't bully me into letting you see your counselor when I've already told you three times that they are booked solid and do not have time to "just answer a few questions."
Because your "few questions" are largely irrelevant and will take an hour to answer.
Stop hanging out near your counselor's office--you're acting like a stalker.
Don't give me the stink-eye for enforcing these policies.
I don't care to hear your life story.
Stop trying to flirt with me.
Don't lean/reach over my counter and comment on the book my coworker is reading.
There is an invisible wall that you just crossed and I want to staple your hand now.
I also don't care about your political views or opinions about education.
Ew ew ew ew. Stop looking at me.
Maybe if you stopped and thought about things, did your homework, went to class, and PAID ATTENTION, you'd pass. So stop blaming us/the system for your failures.
Just GRADUATE and go AWAY, already.
Don't tell me about the grates in the floor that need replacing--we're well aware of them.
Also, don't complain that we're "not accessible". There's a new elevator to our floor and we're straight down the hall. I call that VERY accessible. It's not like you have to go through a maze of razor wire to get here.

The first few weeks of the semester are always a little insane, but I'm glad I have a job with good benefits, and I really like my coworkers. :)

Things that tick me off today:

People who whine about how they'll never get married. Guess what, bucko? You're not very attractive when you're always complaining about how single and pathetic you are. Knock it off. I'm TIRED of having this conversation with you every other time we talk. Just because I've made peace with the fact that I'm not married yet doesn't mean I've given up. Just because something didn't happen when you wanted it to doesn't mean it won't ever happen.

People who have to have everything repeated to them because they're not paying attention.

People who assume that they can just walk into my office and get what they want.

People who can't spell even though someone else spells their name TWICE.

My stupid neck not staying aligned. I can't figure out why it won't stay adjusted and I hate having to keep paying my chiropractor, much as I love him.

The annoying squeaky sound the AC makes.

People who complain about their new offices even though the new offices are gorgeous, roomy, and light.

And, if I hear one more person tell me that "you should do something about the grates in the floor" or "your office is so hard to find", I will throw something.

Other than that, today's been an awesome day!

Plastic-covered furniture

So I discovered this.

I think I'm going to add it to my Reader. Possible.

Yeah, I can get behind that. I have my moments with the whole "50s Housewife" resurgence, moments of both annoyance and triumph, but this site speaks more to me, I think.

It's the idea of being as self-sufficient as possible (without going to extremes, of course) within your particular limits, not regressing back to a weird stereotype. I don't like the idea that women should be subservient to their husbands. I like the idea that intelligent women make a choice to beautify their surroundings and maginify their callings as wives and mothers. Whatever that means to them.

But don't become all needy and co-dependent while doing it.

Overused Words:

Pop

Fresh

Fierce

I hate them.

For your consideration.

"Patriarch" is not the same word as "patriotic".

Therefore, it follows that

"Patriarchal" is not the same word as "patriotical" (which isn't even a word).

Look at them closely.

Think about it.

Once more, side by side:

patriarch------patriotic

patriarchal------patriotical

Note how there is only ONE "t" in "patriarchal" and no "d".

Why, then, is it so hard to pronounce the darn word correctly?


I ASK YOU.

argh.

Let me just say that I will be incredibly happy when we finally move to our new office and I don't have 8 million people a week asking me where Academic Advisement or the financial aid office are. It will be such a relief to be in a place that is obviously ONLY my department, with a door and everything, instead of being at one end of a hallway that houses, oh, let me count...5 OTHER DEPARTMENTS. I will be mighty happy to no longer be treated as the front desk of all these other departments. I will smile every day knowing that no one is going to ask me to set up an appointment for anyone other than my office. I may even skip to work, secure in the knowledge that one of the creepy-but-well-meaning people I try to avoid can't just walk through my office on his way somewhere else.

These are all very good things that make it nearly impossible to wait another month to get to my new office.

noisy. NOISY.

I don't think it's too much to ask to want to live in a neighborhood where motorcycles and big trucks do not exist. So much for a quiet Saturday...

*sigh*

Fashion tip:

You know how some coats and skirts have walking vents or slits? You know how, when you buy them, those vents or slits are stitched closed with an X of thread?

Well. I am here to inform you that the clever thread X is not decorative. It is there to keep the vent from ripping or becoming misshapen when people try on said skirt or coat. PLEASE unpick the darn thing! Cut the thread! It looks so sloppy when you're wearing an otherwise nice outfit but you haven't cut the thread on your walking vent!

Details, people. Details.

PS: Also check the pockets in coats, especially suit coats. They're usually stitched closed in the store, but are easily opened with a nice seam ripper at home. A whole new world of pockets awaits.

Cranky Monday

I'm trying desperately hard to get out of my bad mood this morning. Sometimes making a list of what's making me cranky helps me do that. It's worth a shot!

• I HATE messy piles. HATE them. When the folders are going all different directions and there is no attempt at neatness, I really want to scream.
• I also have a hard time with people who read and still can't spell. Maybe it's because they read crappy books. I don't know. But it irritates me.
• Don't buy stupid shoes. If they're not comfortable when you try them on, they may never be comfortable. Especially if they're not well made. So don't complain to me that your feet hurt when you bought stupid shoes.
• The anticipation of not getting enough sleep is almost more stressful than actually not getting enough sleep. And I'm anticipating getting maybe 5 hours of sleep tonight, if I'm lucky. Good thing I have paid time off and can take a nap between "jobs" tomorrow.
• I also highly dislike cleaning viruses off a computer because someone thought it would be a good idea to download a bunch of games, while mysteriously (and, apparently, unknowingly) resetting their automatic updates to "never update". If you use computers, I'm of the opinion that you should probably pay attention to what you're putting onto your computer.
• People who have pretty names or names that mean some variant of "beautiful", but who aren't actually pretty. Like Rose or, um, Leilani. Fortunately, there aren't many of those around, and none I know personally. But, you know, I'm always a little jolted when I find out someone's name is Rose and I think it should be something like, oh, I don't know, Johnna or something.
• Rushing to get ready because I'm running late, ending up in pants that are now annoyingly too big but that I haven't had time to alter or replace yet, forgetting my breakfast, being told that one of my coworkers is not going to be here (again), leaving my water bottle at home, and then suddenly realizing that I have to finish my taxes but that everything I need to do that is on my desk at home and I won't have time until maybe tomorrow.
• If you use the phrase "I'm going to punch you in the ovaries", I fail to see how you can brag that someone once thought you were older than you are. I do not find you charming, funny, smart, or anything you think you are, so just knock it off.
• Do not assume that, just because you think you're important, it means that we will disrupt everyone else's schedule just because you demand to be seen immediately. Our office doesn't work that way.
• And, for goodness sake, stop wearing hoodies under sports coats! That look is SO over.
  

Monday schmonday.

Some people's children...

I just had to exercise my Evil Supervisory Powers at work and kick a student out of my desk space.

I kind of feel like a jerk, but, oddly enough, I don't feel that bad about it. After all, it's my space, not some student lounge. This is not one of those campus jobs where people can just waltz behind the desk like they own it. As if there are really any jobs like that here. Every department deals with information of varying degrees of confidentiality and my department happens to have some of the most sensitive information on campus. To me, it's a given that you don't just invite yourself (or your friends) behind desks. You don't. Period. ESPECIALLY when it's in a department that deals with the type of information and students we deal with. The last thing I need is a student thinking he or she can access things behind my desk.

I've booted my own friends, who are honest and discreet and sensitive about this kind of thing, because they're not allowed. I don't understand why it's suddenly okay to invite someone to find a spot for his homework behind the desk, and then invite him to look at a picture on your computer. Because that is not okay. There is a reason we have privacy screens on our monitors. There is a reason my screen saver is password protected. There are GOOD reasons we have passwords for everything.

How do you forget that it's NOT OKAY?

And I meant it when I said, as I went down the hall to put away some (CONFIDENTIAL) files, "if he tries that the next time he comes here, I'll belt him."

Also, if you have two good hands and two good legs, don't use the handicapped access button on the doors. Not only does it cause a cold draft (with the weather we're having lately...) for a good 30 seconds, it makes you look lazy.

A small list of annoyances upon which I shall elaborate later:

Clear Play DVD players

Ugly jewelry

Historical romance novels



I said it was short. :)

People. Really.

It is very hard for me to pay attention to you when you stand at the extreme corner of my desk where I can't even see you. What happened to walking around to the FRONT of the front desk instead of parking just outside my peripheral vision and getting impatient when I don't turn around because I CAN'T REALLY SEE YOU?

If I didn't have clients in wheelchairs who NEEDED to use the shorter portion of my desk, I'd stack things up along that side so you'd be forced to walk your lazy selves around to the front where I can see you.

HONESTLY. Time to get the plants out of the staff room and strategically place them on my desk. I love people-herding.

Ring shopping

Ha ha ha. No, I'm not engaged. I'm not even dating right now. I'm shopping for my annual birthday ring. I try to buy myself something sparkly on my birthday--a tradition that really started back in 1996 or so when my grandfather gave me some cash for my birthday and I decided to use the money to buy myself presents "from him"--and it's usually a ring. Last year I bought my class ring to celebrate finally getting my degree, the year before was a big garnet. Because I'm partial to yellow gold (and because I have a lot of silver already) and because I like keeping it balanced between middle finger rings and ring finger rings, it can get tricky finding something I'll wear that I don't hate. Did you know the industry standard ring size is a 7? You didn't? Well, it is. And my ring finger is a 5.5-6. This year I decided to go for blue topaz in yellow gold. Not just any blue topaz, mind you. I want London blue or a new one called "Neptune's garden". The nature of topaz is such that it can be coated with various minerals to make for some really lovely colors and iridescence, and I'm all for unusual stones--who else do you know who has an ametrine? Probably no one. Anyway, I want one of those in yellow gold. And I don't want a solitaire. And it has to be under $500, because that's the most I'll pay for a ring right now. And I don't want to have to pay to have it resized. And I don't want it wider than half an inch. And I want it to have an old-fashioned/antique feel.

Now, you do a search for me and see if you can find ANYTHING (in the United States, anyway) that meets those criteria.

I dare you.

And if you magically find something, you may earn my undying love and possibly dinner.

Too much to ask?

I don't think it's too much to ask that a single man over 25 has at least one pair of quality shoes, the ability to match his clothes to each other and the occasion, and more than white ankle socks in his sock drawer.

I honestly don't think it's too much to ask. I've managed to figure out what shoes are a good investment (granted, I have an advantage because I know an awful lot about clothes, but it's not that hard to do), I don't waste money on bad (cheap, ugly, low quality, etc, because inexpensive costume jewelry is just fine by me!) jewelry, and I care that my clothes match who I am, where I'm going, and each other. I refuse to look like I just got back from the gym or rolled out of bed unless I HAVE just done those things.

Get a grip, guys. You're adults now. Put a little effort into what you wear and how you look. I'm not asking you to look like Brad Pitt all the time, but pretend that what you wear matters, ok? Thanks.