Work

It's really annoying when you truly like a job for the first four months, and then you suddenly realize that you are beginning to resent aspects of it.

I know I don't want to be here for the rest of my life, but can I please just like it enough to stick it out for at least the next six and a half months? I have great benefits! I have paid time off! I'm salaried!

*sigh*

Post-script:

I just realized that this does not include the bridal books I've read, and I know I've left off something about Asian and Native American clothing.

I really DO know more than you

How to begin? Abruptly, apparently.

I know a lot about clothes--the psychology, the sociology, the history, the construction. I know more than just about anyone I know, and that's being honest and not arrogant. I've never taken a class in costuming or clothing history but I seem to have a profound affinity for the subject. I can retain information about clothing like nobody's business (example: I know that the metal eyelet wasn't used on corsets until 1828), I can reason out a history of suspenders based on what I've read, and I can tell you all about calf-padding and bust improvers. At one time in my life, I had to shut up about clothing around Usurper because she insisted to the point of ridiculousness that she was right about everything and I didn't have the energy to argue with her. I don't know everything and I really need to get back into research-mode, but here is just a partial list, from memory with the help of Amazon, of books (good and bad) I've read or am familiar with:

The Encyclopedia of World Costume
The Corset: A Cultural History
In a Glamorous Fashion: The Golden Years of Hollywood Costume Design
Screen Style: Fashion and Femininity in 1930s Hollywood
Hollywood and History
The Language of Clothes
The Social Psychology of Clothing
What Clothes Reveal: The Language of Clothing in Colonial and Federal America
Women's Wardrobe (Chic Simple)
Men's Wardrobe (Chic Simple)
Chic Simple Dress Smart for Women: Wardrobes That Win in the Workplace
Dress For Success
Color Me Beautiful
Chic Simple What Should I Wear?: Dressing For Occasions
Work Clothes (Chic Simple): Casual Dress for Serious Work
Chic Simple Dress Smart Men: Wardrobes That Win in the New Workplace
Dressing the Man: Mastering the Art of Permanent Fashion
Sex and Suits: The Evolution of Modern Dress
How to be a Gentleman
How to be a Lady
Wardrobe Strategies for Women (12 volumes)
The Dress Doctor
The Universe of Fashion (not all of them, but several in the series)
Edith Head's Hollywood
Chromophobia
European Costume: 4000 Years of Fashion
Haute Couture
Costume of the Western World
20000 Years of Fashion
Fashions of a Decade (probably all of them)
The Art of Haute Couture
Historical Fashion in Detail
19th Century Fashion in Detail
Fashion in Detail: From the 17th and 18th Centuries
Costume in Detail: 1730-1930
High Fashion Sewing Secrets From the World's Best Designers
100 Years of Fashion Illustration
Style is Not a Size
50 Years of Fashion: New Look to Now
The Fashion Book
Chanel (Metropolitan Museum of Art Publications)
Couture Sewing Techniques
Fitting and Pattern Alteration (I helped with the second edition of this)
The Complete History of Costume and Fashion: From Ancient Egypt to the Present Day
Costume and Fashion: A Concise History
History of 20th Century Fashion
Fashion, the Mirror of History
The History of Underclothes
I Do: 100 Years of Wedding Fashion
Survey of Historic Costume: A History of Western Dress
Patterns of Fashion I and II
The Concise History of Costume and Fashion
Victorian and Edwardian Fashion from "La Mode Illustree"
Fashion and its Social Agendas: Class, Gender, and Identity in Clothing
Fashion Through the Ages
History of Men's Costume
Victorian and Edwardian Fashion: A Photographic Survey
English Women's Clothing in the Nineteenth Century: A Comprehensive Guide with 1117 Illustrations
Vanity Rules: History of American Fashion and Beauty
As Seen in Vogue: A Century of American Fashion in Advertising
Advertising to the American Woman
After a Fashion: How to Reproduce, Restore, and Wear Vintage Styles
The Costume Timeline: 5000 Years of Fashion History
Racinet's The Complete Costume History
Art and Fashion: The Impact of Art on Fashion and Fashion on Art
Fashion (A Crash Course)
Mirror, Mirror: A Social History of Fashion
The Medieval World
The Fine Art of Fashion: An Illustrated History
History of Fashion: A Visual Survey of Costume From Ancient Times
The Button Book
Shoes: A Celebration of Pumps, Sandals, Slippers and More
Handbags: The Power of the Purse
Hats
The Language of Fashion
The Visual History of Costume
The End of Fashion: How Marketing Changed the Clothing Business Forever
The Evolution of Fashion: Pattern and Cut From 1066 to 1930
Everyday Fashions. . . As Pictured in Sears and Other Catalogs (series)
Fashion in Costume 1200 to 1980
History of Costume and Fashion
Fashioning the Bourgeoisie
What Jane Austen Ate and Charles Dickens Knew
The Fashion Sourcebooks Series by John Peacock
The Culture of Clothing: Dress and Fashion in the Ancien Regime
The Culture of Fashion: A New History of Fashionable Dress
Art Deco Fashion
Dress Code: The Hidden Meaning of Women's Clothes
The Red Dress
Chronicle of Western Fashion
Encyclopedia of Clothing and Fashion (3 volumes I wish I had)
The Century of Hats: Headturning Styles of the Twentieth Century
Corsets and Crinolines
Inventing Beauty: A History of the Innovations That Have Made Us Beautiful
Fabulous Fit
The History of Hair: Fashion and Fantasy Down the Ages
Looking Good: A Comprehensive Guide to Wardrobe Planning, Color & Personal Style Development
Inside Out: A Brief History of Underwear
World Textiles: A Concise History

Quite honestly, I don't think this is all I've read, and I've read approximately 95% of this list. I'd have to look at the bibliographies of the papers I've written about clothing to get a more comprehensive list. I know I've read more but I can't remember titles right now.

Now, after going over that, do I really need to PROVE I know what I'm talking about? I started reading about clothes when I was 12, I went through an intense image management training when I was 27 (and had already read more on the subject that anyone else in my class), my senior thesis was all about the last 200 years of women's clothing and how our messed-up views of that have affected our current unrealistic physical ideal. . . and people still don't believe I know my stuff. Do I have to get a PhD to prove it? On the other hand, I don't think I have to prove anything. I know what I know and that's all there is to it. I'm perfectly willing to admit when I'm wrong, but so far very few people have "outsmarted" me when it comes to clothes.

It's annoying.

And oh yeah...

The crack on my windshield grew by 14 inches during work yesterday. I figured it would need replacing sooner or later, but I'm annoyed that it cracked nowhere NEAR the chips that have been there for almost two years. Go figure.

Unprovoked and Unspecific Ranting, Just Because it Feels Right Today

You know how there are women out there who are really really thin and tan and beautiful? And tall? Like models? Yeah. There are a couple of them in Amanda's ward, and I couldn't stop looking at them on Sunday. Seriously beautiful girls. REALLY thin. Like their biceps were probably not as big as my forearms. While I am glad that you can't count my vertebrae unless you are close enough to feel them, and that you really can't see my ribs, and that I have a womanly waist-to-hip ratio instead of that of an adolescent boy, I found myself alternately envying, pitying, hating, and admiring those girls. It really bothered me, both that I hated them and that I may have gotten a bit too complacent about my own shape.

I don't know ASL. In my current office, one of our counselors is deaf. She reads lips and can vocalize, but I still don't understand her all the time and it's hard. I feel like an idiot because I can't. My grandfather signed--he was the president of the Deaf Branch in Ogden for many years--and I regret never learning from him before he died. I would have taken a class over the summer, but it doesn't work with my Tuesday schedule, so (if I'm still here) I'll register for a class this fall. I'm picking up signs here and there, but I still feel really stupid sometimes.

I've gained weight. I've avoided talking about this because it's not really fair that the "thin girl" complains, and I haven't gained a lot, just enough for me to not be able to wear some of my clothes comfortably. I also am no longer the size I've been since 2001 when I finally lost the weight I gained having a desk job for a year. When you've been the same size for so long, being unable to wear your favorite lace skirt is very annoying. I don't overeat (despite my rabid sweet tooth) and I try to be active, but it's hard to find something I like that doesn't discourage me after three weeks.

Speaking of health issues, I'm 33. I need a bone density scan, a cholesterol screening, two moles removed (not urgent...yet), a sun damage screening, a visit to a podiatrist to check out some weird scar tissue from the time I stepped on a sliver of glass that Bethani had to pull out of my foot because I couldn't see it, not to mention new glasses and new fake teeth. I know I'm not THAT old, but I can feel bone loss staring me in the face. I've already had one scary mole removed and I anticipate there will be more, so I'm religious about wearing SPF 45 every day and using an AHA at night to combat whatever sun damage there is. Thinking about these things makes me cranky.

I have pretty dark red flats. They are shiny and have a wingtip detail, and velvet bows on the toes. But they give me blisters and I need to doctor them so I can actually wear them, and that annoys me.

My hair is past my waist. I love it, but it's too long to really do anything with. I mean, I can do fun braids and twists and that, but it mostly just hangs there. I'm ready for it to be gone...and I won't cut it until I know if I get cast in the film project I'm auditioning for in a couple of weeks. If they want really long hair, I'll keep it for a while longer. I have weird negative associations with the length because stupid Ex Man didn't like it as long as it was.

Speaking of Ex Man, I'm thoroughly annoyed that I still react so negatively when people mention him or when I see someone who looks like him. When does that end? When do I get to be indifferent? When does the wound heal? When does the scar tissue stop aching? I hate this.

I need a new bed, but I don't know what size to get. A twin fits oh-so-nicely in my room, but I sleep better on a double. This causes me stress, and when I'm under stress, my ability to make good decisions just flies right out the window. Good times.

Things I want to say to Little Miss Unfriendly: Whoever told you to completely line your eyes with dark eyeliner to make them look bigger was wrong. Cut your hair or condition it, but don't go around like your hair is so hot when it looks overdone and like straw. Black shoes with brown skirts are ok, but NOT brown boots with black skirts--common sense is more valuable than "What Not to Wear". Don't stare at me or look through me when I smile at you on campus. You've seen me before. Don't pretend I'm not there. But know that if I DO discover that you're related to or friends with someone I know and love, and we end up at a party or someone's house together, I will act as if you've never been unfriendly or rude to me, and you'll be the one who is embarrassed. Not me.

I have three loads of laundry to do (wah, I know) and about 10 hours of extra sleep to get before I'm completely caught up and fully functional. I am so tired that I can't leave my eyebrows alone, and that's always a very bad sign.

Well. I feel better now.