PLEASE

Silk is a FIBER that can be woven into many kinds of FABRIC. To say you have a dress that is "silk and satin" is only correct if PART of it is silk satin and the OTHER part of it is polyester satin. To say "silk and satin" is very redundant otherwise, unless you have no idea what you're saying. Which seems to be the case most of the time. Something can be silky without being silk, yes, but I always assume that "silky satin" actually means the satin is made from silk...because I'm a weird fiber person who assumes people talking about fibers have done some research. Silk can be woven into satin (charmeuse, peau de soie, duchess, bridal), taffeta, velvet, gabardine, chiffon, bengaline, georgette, brocade, dupioni, organza, faille, gauze, tulle, and netting. Another thing! Silk isn't always made into something shiny! We have silk noil, linen-weave silk, silk twill, silk batting, tussah silk. We also have a plethora of blends--silk bamboo, silk cotton, silk wool, silk linen, silk alpaca (really quite lovely), silk rayon. Not to mention the various momme weight linings and art silks!

So, you see, you eBay and Etsy sellers, it really annoys fiber people when you advertise something as "silk" when, upon closer examination, it is actually polyester or acetate. If I wanted acetate taffeta that will water spot and crease like mad and probably spontaneously combust, I'd BUY acetate taffeta (incidentally, I have a great dress made out of an awesomely good acetate taffeta, but that is not the point)!! Don't destroy the hopes you raised when you advertised a "vintage SILK dress" that is really rayon. Don't mess with my high aesthetic values by trying to sell me a "SILK antique piano shawl" that is really ugly mass-printed polyester. Don't assume I'm an idiot who can't tell the difference between a silk 50s prom dress by Ciel Chapman and an acetate 50s prom dress by Sears.

HONESTLY.

It's just as bad as typing "sequence" when you meant "sequins" or "satan" when you meant "satin".

Things I would love to say:

Inspired by the client sitting impatiently on the couch this morning. Well, inspired by several instances over the last few months, but this one may be the final straw:

• When I said she wasn't in yet, I meant it. Don't say "don't you want to check and see if she's in yet?", because I know she isn't and when she IS, I'll be sure you're the first to know.
• No, ma'am, I can't tell you anything about your child's meetings with his or her counselor. Your child is a university student and is protected under FERPA and ADA laws, which means that unless he or she has signed a release, I can't even confirm he or she is registered with our office. Don't yell at me, yell at the laws that are in place to protect your child's privacy.
• Do you see the policy sign that says "no same-day appointments or walk-ins"? It's there for a reason. The more you nag me about it, the less likely I am to want to work with you.
• I am not the information desk.
• No, we don't provide transportation for your son from car to class and back. We also don't have golf carts for such situations.
• We provide wheelchairs only for emergencies and not for weekends. Rent a wheelchair if you have long-term need. Honestly.
• We can't do anything about construction on city streets. If it's making you late, maybe you should leave your house earlier instead of complaining to me that the city is trying to improve traffic flow around campus.
• Please don't get upset when I tell you that I can't fix the elevators but will instead transfer you to the facilities manager who CAN...
• Just because "somebody told you" we do psychological or LD testing does not mean we actually do. Please don't take it out on me.
• Related to that, just because "your professor told you" that all you need to do is call us and we'll give you a letter telling them to do everything you want, does not mean we will ever do that. There's a process and a protocol to this, and unless you meet them, we can't (and won't) help you.
• College is not for some people. Your child may be one. Please don't push him or her into an environment that will be destructive and detrimental more than helpful. Just because you think everyone has to have a college education doesn't mean it's true. Some students are better off in a less intense and stressful environment. PLEASE take that into consideration before insisting that your child really needs to be here. The last things we need are more nervous breakdowns or suicide attempts.
• Look. I don't care who you are. I will treat all students equally and fairly REGARDLESS of what their last name is or what you happen to do for a living. Don't yell at me for not bowing and scraping--I'll never get paid enough to do that.
• Hey, kid. I saw you sneak past my desk and into the counselors' area. Doing that isn't going to help you, because she'll just tell you to make an appointment.
• We are not an adult daycare. We are not obliged nor responsible to provide "peer tutors" or "mentors" for your child. This is not junior high or high school and we don't have enough staff (nor is it within the parameters of our position on this campus) to escort your child to and from classes and your car just so he or she can get some social interaction. We are a university, and providing such things will undermine the academic integrity of this campus.
• I understand that you want the best for your child, but we can't make the professors teach easier subject matter just for him or her.
• Don't get snippy with me if you missed your appointment and expect to be able to just go in and talk to your counselor. You WILL have to reschedule, because you are NOT the only person your counselor helps. Schedules get full, so don't take it out on me.
• Don't lean over my desk.
• Don't rearrange the stuff on my desk.
• No, you can't come behind the desk.
• No, well-meaning-girl-from-student-government, the phrase "so if you're handicapped or know anyone who is..." is NOT helpful. We try to build a relationship of trust and respect, and that phrase is not conducive to either. Please let me explain what our department does. I'm here 9 hours a day--give me some credit.
• Yes, professor, I understand you're worried about your student, but as I am not a counselor nor am I free from the constraints of FERPA and ADA laws, I can not and will not tell you if your student is in our database. I always assume that no release form has been signed and will treat you accordingly.
• Our office hours are clearly posted. We do not make exceptions. This also means that there is no one here after 6 PM or over the weekend. Don't leave angry voicemails at these times.
• If I have gotten 8 MILLION calls from your department over the last few months, it will be a struggle for me to be pleasant when I have to answer the SAME TWO QUESTIONS EVERY SINGLE TIME.
• No, you can't use my scanner. Even if I had one, I wouldn't let you use it. Or my computer. There's a reason I have a screen protector and a password-protected screen saver, and it's so YOU can't see anyone's confidential information. Besides, these computers are set so only department employees can log on.
• Yes, it's getting colder outside. Yes, I work right next to the outside doors. Yes, it gets cold in here, thanks for asking. Yes, I meant it when I posted the sign that says "if you don't need to use the automatic doors, please don't use them." You look perfectly capable of pushing a handle instead of a button.

You may think I'm kidding, but I'm serious when I say that I have personally dealt with all of these incidents, and have had to say some of those things. Good times.

bleaugh

Angst. Angst angst angst angst angst.

Add a dash of a weird, unsettled feeling.

Stir in 18 heaping tablespoons of the certainty that something is just around the corner, but not quite visible yet.

Mix with 2 cups of THIS IS MADDENING.

Beat together with two weeks of not-quite-enough-sleep.

Gently fold in 3 cups of "why am I so lucky?"

Sprinkle in 1 cup of "what the devil?"

Knead with a visit to the chiropractor.

Let rise for 150 crunches.

Bake at 85 degrees for the rest of the year.

Remove from oven, let rest with a good book for a week before serving.

Passion

I thought it was a secret ballot. I thought no one was going to malign, criticize, or try to force my decision. I once thought politics were not a topic for polite conversation.

This is why I will not discuss candidates or join political groups on Facebook or MySpace. I don't need people hating me, calling me stupid, saying I've been brainwashed, telling me I'm heartless, assuming that I can't possibly believe what I believe.

And I thought it was bad hearing those things about my choice of religion. . .

Don't you hate it when...

...you realize you've spent the better part of Sunday afternoon kind of moping when you could have finished crocheting your sister's afghan? The afghan you started in February? And then you also realize that all you've had to eat is a sandwich, which kind of explains the headache you're getting?

I totally would hate that to happen to me...

So, yeah.

After all of that positivity in my last post, I somehow don't want to go to bed. I don't want to read, I don't want to watch TV, I don't want to sew, I don't want to drive, and I'm also very tired...but I don't want to go to bed.

I blame October and my general shortage of fun lately.

I am a boring person because, right now, I kind of just want to sit in front of a fire and stare and think. It's probably time to plan another Autumnal Conflagration or something.

bleh.

Baffling

After the events of the last few days, you'd think I'd feel like ranting. But I don't. I'm not sure why, though. Maybe it's because I'm tired, maybe it's because my brain is mildly confused, maybe it's just because this is how things are and I can't do much about it.

I actually sat at my computer trying to come up with a rant, but I just can't seem to do it.

huh.

So.

Here I am, rantless despite circumstances that would otherwise rabidly demand a rant, and I'm ok with that. I think. I'm not sure yet, to tell you the truth, and there are things that, for my own health and safety, I shouldn't rant about at all...perhaps this last week is one of them.

Regardless of the ambiguous status of a potential rant, it's been a good week in many ways. I got to see Mark Zupan speak as part of a conference at work, I have a blind date lined up for sometime in the near future, I had a great (I think) audition for a show I love (status TBA...), I wore my bright pink leather gloves today, I got to see a bunch of fake blood (yay fake blood!!) on the back of someone who intrigues me, I got to have Italian with my Favorite Cousin, and I got to hang out with a few of my favorite people (hi, Emily, Julie, Julie G, Jeremy, and Kyle!). Like I said, it's been a good week in many ways.

HOWEVER.

The fact that I don't know if I should rant or not is kind of annoying.

new site

Since we haven't figured out how to fix heidiaphrodite.com, I've registered heidiaphrodite.blogspot.com. So go there for now! And help me pick a new template!

I am bad at computers

Or, more specifically, I'm REALLY bad at understanding code. I have another blog (about which you may have heard) hosted through WordPress. Now, don't get me wrong, I really like WordPress for the most part. However, I don't understand the code involved, which means I log in, write a new blog, and hit "post" and things usually go really well...until about two weeks ago. Suddenly, I can't log in. At all. I've searched the support forums, and all the advice I can manage to find involves going into my PHP files and deleting broken code. Let me be clear: I have no idea if I even HAVE PHP, let alone what code to look for in said files/tables. I am highly annoyed. According to my smart brother, it appears as though there is something wrong with the template I'm using and the only way to fix it is to log in and install a new template. But I can't log in and if I can't log in, I can't FIX anything.

I am so frustrated that I'm about ready to somehow back everything up (as if I know how to do that short of cutting and pasting into Word) and just delete my account with them. The support forums have been very unhelpful to a code-moron like me and my brother is busy with work and family and shouldn't be expected to solve my stupid blog problems.

Any ideas? I'm at my wits' end, which isn't that far from the beginning lately.