Tips For Grown-ups

After posting something at least slightly amusing on my other blog, I think it's time for a rant.

Being a current member of the local LDS singles "scene" (if you can call me or it that, seeing as how I don't participate in sanctioned activities and the "scene" can be rather dismal), I do believe I have enough experience under my belt (three single adult firesides at which minute observation occurs counts as "experience") to post some Tips For Grown-ups. Now, I understand that not everyone is financially solvent, and not everyone places a high value on appearances, and not EVERYONE is guilty of the things I'm going to list, but I know some of us are, some of us do, and some of us are, including me.

Tips For Grown-ups:

1. Men. The general rule is that if you're dressing up, your socks should be as dark as your shoes or slacks. This means no white. You wear white socks with nice slacks and dark shoes, and I will automatically ignore you. Shallow, I know, but please. You're over 30--put some effort into finding something besides the white crew socks your mom bought you before your mission. Tan is totally appropriate with brown slacks and cordovan shoes.

2. Invest in good shoes. Save your money for a decent pair of shoes. All you need is one pair (this goes for men AND women) of nice dress shoes. If you can bring yourself to spend good money--believe me, I know how hard this is--on good shoes that will last more than a few months and actually be kind to your feet, it will be less expensive in the long run. Some quick math: $100 on good shoes (give or take) that will last for 5-10 years, if not longer, equals $10 a year over 10 years. $40 on cheap shoes, replaced at least every year, equals $40 a year, or $400 over 10 years. Think about it. Invest. Find your size at a pricey store, and check eBay or wait for them to go on clearance, if you can't afford them now.

3. Don't be "Brother Pays Attention By Nodding After Every Point the Speaker Makes". It's obnoxious and distracting. Likewise, don't be "Sister Laughs Too Loud". Now, if you just DO that without thinking about it, that's fine, but don't become affected because you think it's charming or flirtatious or reassuring or something. Be yourself. If you don't like yourself, figure out why and try to fix it.

4. I don't care if you still live at home (because who am I to judge?), but I really do think that by age 30 you should at least be working full time, if possible. Full-time can mean working part-time and raising kids as a single parent, or it can mean putting in 60 hours a week, or it can mean finishing school while working part-time, or it can mean working part-time at a crappy job while trying to find something better. Have a plan, have at least some education, and have marketable job skills. My degree doesn't really have a lot to do with my current job, but because I HAD the degree, I was able to get the job. And, for goodness sake, don't be a loafing moocher. Pay for utilities or groceries or whatever comes up.

5. Along with that, a car is a good thing to have. Have a car that runs well and is (mostly) paid for, unless you just barely drove it off the lot. In that case, have the means to PAY for said car. If we lived in New York or DC or some other huge metropolitan area with excellent public transportation, a car wouldn't really be a big deal, but here...it is. Please have a car.

6. Update your look every once in a while. I don't mean going out and buying stuff at Forever 21 (because most of it isn't really appropriate if you're over 100 pounds and/or 21), but I do mean keeping track of what's current, what's classic, what's trendy, and what's you. Take a friend shopping. Hire an image consultant. Read some books. Pay attention. Laura Ashley dresses of the 1990s are pretty, but very dated. Look for something similar that is a little more current. And, men, please. Experiment with ties and different suit cuts and shoe styles. You never know unless you try, right?

7. Once you find your style, wear it proud! If you're the only guy rocking a 3-piece suit (well-tailored, of course) and a fedora, you're going to get noticed in a good way. Own it, but don't let it wear you. There's a fine line between personal style and costume.

8. An earnest, two-hand handshake is fine if you're running for office, but if your hands are small and clammy, it's probably best to avoid such a gesture when trying to impress single, attractive women because it makes us feel icky.

9. Hygiene. Brush your teeth, wash your hair, shower. Please.

10. Being well-read can only help your cause. If all you've read in the last few years is the "Twilight" series, it's time to hit the library for something else. Branch out a little.

11. Hobbies. I cannot stress this enough. Scripture reading, while important, does not count. Learn new skills, find new interests. This world is full of things to learn and do--find something and learn it! You also meet new people and get out of your own head for a while.

12. Speaking of getting out of your head, it's so sad to me when women hit a certain age (such as 27, to pick a random number), haven't found "the right one" yet, and give up. They stop caring about how they look, what they eat, what they do for a living--they get old. Don't get old, not like that! It's not worth it! If you haven't found "the one", work on becoming "the one". Take a class, travel, garden, train for a marathon. Remember what you wanted to do as soon as you were old enough, and do it. Take that first step. Don't give up on yourself just because it seems the world has given up on you. Show the world how wrong it is.

13. Take care of yourself. Life is busy for everyone, but find a few minutes each day to go for a walk or lift some weights. Get regular hair cuts, wear some makeup every once in a while, use lotion. So much of attractiveness comes from attitude, and I think you have a better attitude about yourself if you're doing regular maintenance. Our bodies aren't perfect, and some of us will never read Adonis/Venus stature, and that's ok! Do the best you can with what you have, and love it.

Now, I know some of these sound trite, but it's so important to take care of our bodies, minds, and spirits. It's not like we can trade them in if they don't work the way we want them to. Sometimes I want to shake "older" singles and say "stop feeling sorry for yourself and DO something about it!" I recognize, however, that depression happens. Things go wrong. The only way I got through it was to just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Looking back, I'm glad I kept moving and I'm glad I found hobbies, took care of myself, got my degree, paid off my car, traveled, planned, dreamed, and planned some more. It's ok if plans go awry--at least you have plans! Plans change, and this life is a time to learn and plan and do and become. Don't waste it.