I do not think deodorant should make you smell. I really don't. But have you any IDEA how hard it is to find unscented women's deodorant? HAVE YOU? It's nearly impossible.
I do not think it should take trips to four different grocery stores in order to find something that actually works and doesn't just come in a pretty package with all manner of egregiously false claims on it. Yeah, I'm SURE that the "satiny tropical" scent is going to get me a promotion/man/new car when I raise my arms after the nervous sweats I get at an audition or during a confrontation. SURE it is. What does tropical satin smell like, anyway? Knowing satin (and I do...) and the tropics, I can imagine it's not a nice smell. Number one, satin isn't known as a fabric that breathes, and the tropics are moist. You slap "satiny tropical" on a deodorant and I'm not going to be thinking about Rio in the 1930s films of Betty Grable. What I'm thinking is that it probably smells like Carnivale on the 3rd night. ESPECIALLY after you've already started sweating. Not pretty.
Dead serious, kids, this is a partial list of the scents available for your smelling pleasure, from drugstore.com:
the aforementioned satiny tropical
powder fresh (what?)
powder (what kind of powder?)
Asian pear (ok...)
cucumber-grapefruit (um)
jasmine orient (first thought: opium den or stripper name)
fresh (what does that even mean?)
African violet (you mean I get to smell like my grandma's window o' plants, mixed with sweat? nice...)
sheer powder (because powder is sheer, apparently)
woodspice with hops (just say it to yourself in context and TRY not to gag a little)
green tea (will it make me lose weight?)
lemongrass (at least it's not a trendy table planter)
morning fresh (people are so fresh in the mornings that there's no need to shower, apparently)
original clean (say what?)
cool and clean (what does cool smell like? Does it smell like Old Spice? Is that what the cool people wear?)
totally fresh (oh, so this one combines morning and powder)
honeysuckle rose (doesn't sound so bad, but when mixed with body oder? ugh.)
spring breeze (sometimes Spring breezes bring Lake Smell. yum!)
waterlily and freshmint (are you KIDDING me?)
spring fresh (so like spring breeze plus totally fresh?)
apricot (?!?)
active sport (have you SMELLED athletes? have you?!)
marathon fresh (I have no words)
fruity melon (FRUITY MELON?)
vanilla chai (I...just...my brain hurts)
OK, I need to stop and I'm only halfway through the list. Wow. That's just frightening. Now, I would like most of those in a body wash or shampoo or body spray, but not in deodorant. Where is the unscented? Where? Where is the magic bullet that won't make me smell like a theater dressing room after a show?
*sigh*
4 comments:
I'd actually be okay with most of those deodorants if the antiperspirant side of them actually worked. I can't find an antiperspirant that actually prevents perspiration. Frustrating!
I couldn't remember what scent I'd been wearing the last time I shopped for deodorant. I've had past scents make me sick when wearing them, so I have to be careful. Good times. :P
love this rant, cracks me up. I LOVE my "powder fresh" Dry Idea deoderant. Every time I take a whiff, I am transported back to Switzerland 20 some years ago. A friend and I were in a youth hostel when I first opened said deoderant and used it. Previously I had just used "Regular". But ohohohooooooooo never again. Fell in love at first whif.
My daughter uses the "unscented" Dry Idea, and guess what? Nof whif. Great deod. Y'ot to try it. Dang, I should be getting paid for this advertisement!
(from a friend of Katie's)
This made me giggle. Yay for men's scents, that's all I'm sayin. Or for the ones that make girls say "you smell good."
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