Fashion tip:

You know how some coats and skirts have walking vents or slits? You know how, when you buy them, those vents or slits are stitched closed with an X of thread?

Well. I am here to inform you that the clever thread X is not decorative. It is there to keep the vent from ripping or becoming misshapen when people try on said skirt or coat. PLEASE unpick the darn thing! Cut the thread! It looks so sloppy when you're wearing an otherwise nice outfit but you haven't cut the thread on your walking vent!

Details, people. Details.

PS: Also check the pockets in coats, especially suit coats. They're usually stitched closed in the store, but are easily opened with a nice seam ripper at home. A whole new world of pockets awaits.

Cranky Monday

I'm trying desperately hard to get out of my bad mood this morning. Sometimes making a list of what's making me cranky helps me do that. It's worth a shot!

• I HATE messy piles. HATE them. When the folders are going all different directions and there is no attempt at neatness, I really want to scream.
• I also have a hard time with people who read and still can't spell. Maybe it's because they read crappy books. I don't know. But it irritates me.
• Don't buy stupid shoes. If they're not comfortable when you try them on, they may never be comfortable. Especially if they're not well made. So don't complain to me that your feet hurt when you bought stupid shoes.
• The anticipation of not getting enough sleep is almost more stressful than actually not getting enough sleep. And I'm anticipating getting maybe 5 hours of sleep tonight, if I'm lucky. Good thing I have paid time off and can take a nap between "jobs" tomorrow.
• I also highly dislike cleaning viruses off a computer because someone thought it would be a good idea to download a bunch of games, while mysteriously (and, apparently, unknowingly) resetting their automatic updates to "never update". If you use computers, I'm of the opinion that you should probably pay attention to what you're putting onto your computer.
• People who have pretty names or names that mean some variant of "beautiful", but who aren't actually pretty. Like Rose or, um, Leilani. Fortunately, there aren't many of those around, and none I know personally. But, you know, I'm always a little jolted when I find out someone's name is Rose and I think it should be something like, oh, I don't know, Johnna or something.
• Rushing to get ready because I'm running late, ending up in pants that are now annoyingly too big but that I haven't had time to alter or replace yet, forgetting my breakfast, being told that one of my coworkers is not going to be here (again), leaving my water bottle at home, and then suddenly realizing that I have to finish my taxes but that everything I need to do that is on my desk at home and I won't have time until maybe tomorrow.
• If you use the phrase "I'm going to punch you in the ovaries", I fail to see how you can brag that someone once thought you were older than you are. I do not find you charming, funny, smart, or anything you think you are, so just knock it off.
• Do not assume that, just because you think you're important, it means that we will disrupt everyone else's schedule just because you demand to be seen immediately. Our office doesn't work that way.
• And, for goodness sake, stop wearing hoodies under sports coats! That look is SO over.
  

Monday schmonday.

Some people's children...

I just had to exercise my Evil Supervisory Powers at work and kick a student out of my desk space.

I kind of feel like a jerk, but, oddly enough, I don't feel that bad about it. After all, it's my space, not some student lounge. This is not one of those campus jobs where people can just waltz behind the desk like they own it. As if there are really any jobs like that here. Every department deals with information of varying degrees of confidentiality and my department happens to have some of the most sensitive information on campus. To me, it's a given that you don't just invite yourself (or your friends) behind desks. You don't. Period. ESPECIALLY when it's in a department that deals with the type of information and students we deal with. The last thing I need is a student thinking he or she can access things behind my desk.

I've booted my own friends, who are honest and discreet and sensitive about this kind of thing, because they're not allowed. I don't understand why it's suddenly okay to invite someone to find a spot for his homework behind the desk, and then invite him to look at a picture on your computer. Because that is not okay. There is a reason we have privacy screens on our monitors. There is a reason my screen saver is password protected. There are GOOD reasons we have passwords for everything.

How do you forget that it's NOT OKAY?

And I meant it when I said, as I went down the hall to put away some (CONFIDENTIAL) files, "if he tries that the next time he comes here, I'll belt him."

Also, if you have two good hands and two good legs, don't use the handicapped access button on the doors. Not only does it cause a cold draft (with the weather we're having lately...) for a good 30 seconds, it makes you look lazy.

A small list of annoyances upon which I shall elaborate later:

Clear Play DVD players

Ugly jewelry

Historical romance novels



I said it was short. :)

People. Really.

It is very hard for me to pay attention to you when you stand at the extreme corner of my desk where I can't even see you. What happened to walking around to the FRONT of the front desk instead of parking just outside my peripheral vision and getting impatient when I don't turn around because I CAN'T REALLY SEE YOU?

If I didn't have clients in wheelchairs who NEEDED to use the shorter portion of my desk, I'd stack things up along that side so you'd be forced to walk your lazy selves around to the front where I can see you.

HONESTLY. Time to get the plants out of the staff room and strategically place them on my desk. I love people-herding.

Ring shopping

Ha ha ha. No, I'm not engaged. I'm not even dating right now. I'm shopping for my annual birthday ring. I try to buy myself something sparkly on my birthday--a tradition that really started back in 1996 or so when my grandfather gave me some cash for my birthday and I decided to use the money to buy myself presents "from him"--and it's usually a ring. Last year I bought my class ring to celebrate finally getting my degree, the year before was a big garnet. Because I'm partial to yellow gold (and because I have a lot of silver already) and because I like keeping it balanced between middle finger rings and ring finger rings, it can get tricky finding something I'll wear that I don't hate. Did you know the industry standard ring size is a 7? You didn't? Well, it is. And my ring finger is a 5.5-6. This year I decided to go for blue topaz in yellow gold. Not just any blue topaz, mind you. I want London blue or a new one called "Neptune's garden". The nature of topaz is such that it can be coated with various minerals to make for some really lovely colors and iridescence, and I'm all for unusual stones--who else do you know who has an ametrine? Probably no one. Anyway, I want one of those in yellow gold. And I don't want a solitaire. And it has to be under $500, because that's the most I'll pay for a ring right now. And I don't want to have to pay to have it resized. And I don't want it wider than half an inch. And I want it to have an old-fashioned/antique feel.

Now, you do a search for me and see if you can find ANYTHING (in the United States, anyway) that meets those criteria.

I dare you.

And if you magically find something, you may earn my undying love and possibly dinner.

Too much to ask?

I don't think it's too much to ask that a single man over 25 has at least one pair of quality shoes, the ability to match his clothes to each other and the occasion, and more than white ankle socks in his sock drawer.

I honestly don't think it's too much to ask. I've managed to figure out what shoes are a good investment (granted, I have an advantage because I know an awful lot about clothes, but it's not that hard to do), I don't waste money on bad (cheap, ugly, low quality, etc, because inexpensive costume jewelry is just fine by me!) jewelry, and I care that my clothes match who I am, where I'm going, and each other. I refuse to look like I just got back from the gym or rolled out of bed unless I HAVE just done those things.

Get a grip, guys. You're adults now. Put a little effort into what you wear and how you look. I'm not asking you to look like Brad Pitt all the time, but pretend that what you wear matters, ok? Thanks.