Inspired by a thread on PlayersAnonymous.org about what kind of relationship you have with your exes, I wrote the list below. I find it rather amusing (say it "rawthuh", because it's more fun) because I imagine how the conversation would go:
"Hey, I see Ex Man is here. You wanna go say hi?"
"Heck no. I'd rather eat a bug."
or
"I ran into Ex Man the other day and he asked about you. Do you want me to say anything?"
"Heck no. I'd rather move to Alaska."
See? Hours of amusement.
This is all part of the grieving process and it's perfectly healthy and perfectly within my ranting rights, so I don't feel guilty about never wanting to see him again. ha.
Things I would rather do, given the choice between them and talking to Ex Man:
Eat a bug.
Shave my head.
Move to Alaska.
Have a mole removed.
Never wear jewelry again.
Read Madame Bovary.
Watch "Cats and Dogs".
Kick an old person.
Get raging drunk.
Remain single and celibate the rest of my life.
Watch "What Not to Wear".
Wear mascara on my bottom lashes every day.
Grow out my nails to a non-functional length.
Wear shoes that hurt my feet.
Burn all my flannel sheets.
Pull out my eyebrows.
Never sew again.
Live in a house with boring white walls.
Denounce Ray Bradbury as the anti-Christ.
Never eat candy again.
Never sing again.
Costume a production of Hamlet with a cast of 70 and a budget of $100.
Give up my Costco membership.
Wear ugly hats.
Touch a spider.
Bungee jump.
Spelunk.
Lose 15 IQ points. Ok, not really.
Bleach my freckles.
Punch someone.
Get a goiter.
Have cankles.
Grow hair on my back.
Poke my eye with a stick.
Break a bone.
Drive my car into a house.
Drink ham juice. (*hwarf*<---that's for you, Taylor. ;) )
Set my fabulous shoes on fire.
Catch a softball with my nose.
Swallow a penny.
Hopelessly tangle up my thread.
Poke needles into my arm.
Be allergic to wheat.
Be allergic to sugar.
Touch a chicken bone.
Jump into a pool full of big ugly fish. *shudder*
Never have a clean kitchen.
Lose a finger.
Act with He Who Shall Not Be Named (hint: he was in The Show That Must Not Be Named).
Read nothing but Buffy or X-Files fanfic for the rest of my life.
Get a tattoo on my forehead.
Be covered in gravy.
Go into early menopause.
Get toenail fungus.
There are probably more, but that gives you a pretty good idea of what I'd rather do.
4 comments:
Yippy! I was hoping you'd make a blog out of this. What a great list.
So, I read that last one as "eat toenail fungus". Which is gross. Please don't add it to the list.
I tagged you. If it annoys you, Sorry. Well, not really...
Check out my latest blog for details.
Ha ha! This was fantastic! I LOVE IT! I think I'd rather eat an old man's toenail clippings than run into a couple of my ex's :)
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