This is just stupid. Or it's just me.

I'm getting into some bad sleeping habits again. Habits that hearken back to that one time I was afraid to sleep and was terribly sleep-deprived for over a year because of the exhaustion and horrific nightmares and the very weird phobia of sleep itself.

I get worked up by something and can't settle down, so I start to worry about not sleeping, and the worrying works me up even more, and I worry more, and I get more and more tired, and by the time I finally convince myself that I'm NOT going to have nightmares about people murdering my family, it's after midnight (see? ugh) and my alarm goes off around 5:30. Now, I'm not a wimp, but the accumulated months (maybe years?) of weird, restless sleeping is doing a number on me. I power through, but I really hate this. Maybe I need to start taking a melatonin supplement or something. Or finally bite the bullet and buy a new mattress. blar.

It's a grumpy week, apparently

So I'm going to rant a bit and get it out of my system.

The office manager's radio is on in her office, and it's so loud I can hear it pretty clearly out here. I do not think her Top 40 is appropriate for our office, but there's nothing I can do about it except turn up my Baroque music ever so slightly.

I saw a captioned picture of a track and field athlete who was in (obviously) awesome shape because she's a track and field athlete. The caption on the picture seemed to imply that if a woman is pretty and in excellent shape, what she REALLY wants is to be a stripper. My sister and I were both disgusted, and came up with a set of implied rules for women in our current society:
1. If a woman is pretty and toned, she really just wants to be a stripper/hooker/arm candy/escort or otherwise willing to have sex with any and every man who wants her.
2. If she doesn't want to have sex with any and every man, she just needs persuading.
3. If, after persuading, she STILL doesn't want to do this thing (because, I don't know, she's nauseated or annoyed by such constant advances), she has to be a lesbian.
4. If she's not hot, she's invisible.

I hate having to repeat myself or rephrase something three times and STILL know the other person has no clue what I just said.

I'm a little discouraged and disappointed lately. I'm getting tired of trying things and either not having them work out or lose to someone else. It's very hard--blow after blow for over a year--and I don't think I'll ever get used to it.

I don't get paid enough, but I know I'm lucky to have a job with such good benefits.

Every time I see an able-bodied person (whose hands are not full) using a disability access door button, I want to say "do you really need to do that? Really? I see that you have two legs and two arms and are able to use all of them. Aren't you lucky."

I want to do a million things but I either don't have the money or the time for more than maybe two of them. It's very frustrating.

On a happy note, I am starting my first spinning class! No, not the cardio workout at the gym, but spinning fiber into yarn with a spinning wheel! I'm so excited!

*cough*

I have a cold.

It's not too bad, but it's enough to make me cranky that I have a cold. I don't really get sick all that often so when I do I hate every minute of it...except for the staying-in-bed-and-reading minutes.

Still, though, church should be interesting tomorrow. I'm playing the organ in Sacrament meeting and playing piano for both hours of Primary and I just hope I'm feeling good enough that I don't sniffle all through the meetings.

Also, my neck is out and I might not get to see my chiropractor for another week. blar.

I'm glad it's not the flu, and I'm glad I'm feeling pretty good. According to my track record with these things, as long as I keep up with the Zicam I should be feeling well enough to work on Monday. If I'm not feeling well enough, I'll probably just drag myself there anyway because I'm responsible like that. :)

No, you're not sophisticated

I have come to the conclusion that drinking alcohol doesn't automatically make you sophisticated.

Especially when you always ALWAYS get hammered/sloppy/stupid/fall asleep on couches/can't drive/don't remember the party.

Especially when you whine about how a home-owner doesn't want you drinking in his house. The house he owns. The house he'll have to clean up.

Especially when you mock other people for their teetotaler habits after complaining about how no one respects your habits.

The actual sophisticates in the outside world understand that these things are tacky.

Grow up a little.

Ugh.

I have a sudden and profound hatred of answering the phone today. Like, if flames could shoot out of my eyes and destroy every phone within 5 miles of me, I'd be happy.

Next job I have, someone ELSE is answering the phone all day...

Vile

I find it completely vile and reprehensible that anyone could say, in response to a friend's Facebook status about feeling bad that he hit a cat, "Good for you!" COMPLETELY vile. I don't even know who this person is, but I am sure that I could not be friends with someone who could, even jokingly (which I hope was her tone...), rejoice at the death of an animal. Especially a death like that, especially when her friend is upset by it. Being happy about something like that cheapens whatever charitable impulse this woman ever had. It makes her seem cruel and inhuman. It makes me sick to think that life is held so casually in this woman's mind. No, I'm not advocating joining PETA or becoming a vegan or anything, but I think some reverence for divinely-created life is part of what makes us human, part of what makes us different from every other creature.

I'm grateful that I wasn't taught to hate any animal. Yes, I'm arachnophobic, but I will avoid killing them if at all possible. The loss of a life deserves to be mourned, if only briefly, to show respect for who and what we are. The sanctity of life should be respected. The universe seems smaller when we remember that any one of us could die at any moment, and we'd better pray no one rejoices at our death.

Policies

I really do mean it when I say:

You need an appointment to get any of our services.
Your counselor is NOT available right now.
We are booked solid until next week.
Pregnancy does not count as a disability.
We can't make the city stop working on the streets so you can get to class on time.
I can neither confirm nor deny that your adult child is using our services.
Even if he or she WERE using our services, I still can't tell you anything.
The deaf student in your class can't possibly fulfill a listening assignment so stop asking me how the deaf student in your class is going to get a good grade.
Just because someone is deaf does not mean they are stupid or that you have to give them two copies of the assignment "to make sure they understand it."
You have to meet with your counselor every semester--the process is not automatic.

Things I sometimes WISH I could say:

I don't care WHO you are, your child has to go through the same procedure as EVERYONE ELSE.
Don't bully me into letting you see your counselor when I've already told you three times that they are booked solid and do not have time to "just answer a few questions."
Because your "few questions" are largely irrelevant and will take an hour to answer.
Stop hanging out near your counselor's office--you're acting like a stalker.
Don't give me the stink-eye for enforcing these policies.
I don't care to hear your life story.
Stop trying to flirt with me.
Don't lean/reach over my counter and comment on the book my coworker is reading.
There is an invisible wall that you just crossed and I want to staple your hand now.
I also don't care about your political views or opinions about education.
Ew ew ew ew. Stop looking at me.
Maybe if you stopped and thought about things, did your homework, went to class, and PAID ATTENTION, you'd pass. So stop blaming us/the system for your failures.
Just GRADUATE and go AWAY, already.
Don't tell me about the grates in the floor that need replacing--we're well aware of them.
Also, don't complain that we're "not accessible". There's a new elevator to our floor and we're straight down the hall. I call that VERY accessible. It's not like you have to go through a maze of razor wire to get here.

The first few weeks of the semester are always a little insane, but I'm glad I have a job with good benefits, and I really like my coworkers. :)