I really do mean it when I say:
You need an appointment to get any of our services.
Your counselor is NOT available right now.
We are booked solid until next week.
Pregnancy does not count as a disability.
We can't make the city stop working on the streets so you can get to class on time.
I can neither confirm nor deny that your adult child is using our services.
Even if he or she WERE using our services, I still can't tell you anything.
The deaf student in your class can't possibly fulfill a listening assignment so stop asking me how the deaf student in your class is going to get a good grade.
Just because someone is deaf does not mean they are stupid or that you have to give them two copies of the assignment "to make sure they understand it."
You have to meet with your counselor every semester--the process is not automatic.
Things I sometimes WISH I could say:
I don't care WHO you are, your child has to go through the same procedure as EVERYONE ELSE.
Don't bully me into letting you see your counselor when I've already told you three times that they are booked solid and do not have time to "just answer a few questions."
Because your "few questions" are largely irrelevant and will take an hour to answer.
Stop hanging out near your counselor's office--you're acting like a stalker.
Don't give me the stink-eye for enforcing these policies.
I don't care to hear your life story.
Stop trying to flirt with me.
Don't lean/reach over my counter and comment on the book my coworker is reading.
There is an invisible wall that you just crossed and I want to staple your hand now.
I also don't care about your political views or opinions about education.
Ew ew ew ew. Stop looking at me.
Maybe if you stopped and thought about things, did your homework, went to class, and PAID ATTENTION, you'd pass. So stop blaming us/the system for your failures.
Just GRADUATE and go AWAY, already.
Don't tell me about the grates in the floor that need replacing--we're well aware of them.
Also, don't complain that we're "not accessible". There's a new elevator to our floor and we're straight down the hall. I call that VERY accessible. It's not like you have to go through a maze of razor wire to get here.
The first few weeks of the semester are always a little insane, but I'm glad I have a job with good benefits, and I really like my coworkers. :)
